What a complex society we live in. It's hard enough just being a regular Joe and trying to get along with the hundred or so people we have contact with on a regular basis. Just imagine what it's like to be someone of a more well known nature who are exposed to hundreds of thousands of people regularly, like entertainers or well known athletes, or politicians. OK, maybe not politicians. But the other popular people I mentioned are held way above the average person as far as conducting themselves appropriately. Actually, we all need to conduct ourselves in an acceptable manner if we desire to be treated in a similar fashion.
I don't mean to insinuate that more well known personalities are supposed to act any better than us regular people. It's just that those in the lime light are more apt to be chastised for irregular behavior than a drywall hanger like myself would be. To be sure, it would hardly make the headlines if I told an off color joke, whereas if the President did the same thing, he would have to create a new damage control team to handle the ensuing uproar from those disenchanted with his remarks. And I don't personally think there's enough unused staff in the White House to do that, particularly if we're talking about the past Bush Jr. administration.
The point I'm trying to make is how difficult it is to interact with each other without offending someone at some point in time. Especially when telling jokes. It used to be you could tell a joke without interruption. You tell the joke, give the punch line and either the listener gets it, or they don't. The way things are now, you're just as likely to be interrupted with several questions, and possibly even requests to alter the joke so as not to offend the listener.
It's hard to imagine how some jokes could possibly offend anyone, like the cute little dirty joke about how the little boy fell in the mud puddle. Hmmm... I wonder if the beauty salons take offense to us calling the mud they use for beauty treatments dirty? Or the concerned mother who happens to have a clumsy boy and thinks we are picking on her child for his lack of grace. Or the people experiencing a drought being mad that I am talking about a puddle of water with such careless abandon when they would be just as happy drinking out of it because they're dying of thirst. Oh! How could I be so insensitive! I almost forgot about all the feminists who will be upset that the joke is never told with a little girl falling in the mud puddle instead of a little boy!
You see? Actually, I think I have a pretty good grasp on what would be funny. Some people take life far to seriously. The little boy in the mud puddle is a harmless joke. Never the less, knowing that almost any joke seems to be able to offend almost everyone in one way or another, I have decided to take a risk, and tell the little dirty joke in the least offensive way possible.
Here is the least offensive way I can think of to tell this joke. Want to hear a dirty joke? A little person fell in a mud puddle. Get it? Dirty joke... little person falls in a mud puddle? Dirty little person... Having told that part of it though, I must continue on so as not to offend any of the previous affirmative action groups I mentioned above. So I continue...
Now this was no ordinary little person. They were young. They were young because they hadn't had time to grow old yet. Someday, this person will be old, but they're not old enough to be old quite yet. This person was also little because they were young. Their age is directly responsible for them being little, because as most of you know, young people are almost always little. Not always, but most of the time. Maybe if they had been breast fed, they would have grown more, I don't know. Or maybe, they were breast fed, and the mother had bad eating habits, and the milk was not as nutritious as it could have been. Or maybe it was because they were on city water, with fluoride in it. Who knows.
So this little child had an identity crisis you see. They didn't know if they were a boy or girl. They were afraid to ask. Their mom and dad were very protective, and censored their learning heavily. Now days it is often said that a child should have a choice to be either sex if their mind happens to be confused and hasn't made the proper distinction yet. (Ignoring whatever set of external genitalia they happen to carry of course... You can actually have male external genitals and female internal parts. In which case you might still have feminine feelings even though you had a penis. In which case I can see why they would be confused...)
Their parents didn't want them playing with other little offensive boys and girls and picking up their bad habits, which is another reason why they weren't sure what sex they were as they had no other little children to compare themselves with. So this child was walking along, minding it's own business, when it happened across a mud puddle. The child stopped in wonder, looking at it. "I wonder where that came from?" the child thought to itself. "There's a drought going on, how careless of someone to be so wasteful with water."
So looking around some more, trying to figure this thing out, because it knew it was the right thing to do, the little person saw an old man sitting next to a tree, close to the puddle of water, with an over turned bucket. He had a mechanics jacket on with his name embroidered on a white patch over the breast pocket. The name on the jacket was Henry. "Hi." the child said. The old man looked at the child and asked it if it were a boy or girl. The child said they didn't know because their mother and father hadn't told them yet. Then the child asked the old man why he was wasting water when there were people dying of thirst from the drought. He said he wasn't wasting water, there was a hole in his bucket, and all the water leaked out while he was resting.
The child thought for a moment and told Henry that he had better patch that bucket, quit wasting water when others were dying of thirst, and to stop loitering in a public area. The child also said they would get the old man a straw to patch his bucket with except that their parents told them never to talk to strangers. And the child told him he should clean that water up before someone slips and falls in it, and sues him for all he's worth.
The old man promptly pushed the child in the mud puddle and said, "No problem, the beauty salon down the street pays me a lot of money for this mud, I can afford it."
There. I think I've addressed most of the problems with that joke and feel it shouldn't offend any more. Glad it wasn't a long joke...
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